So it’s kind of funny that the videogame industry simultaneously acts like underwear is completely normal and something that can obviously be used to score points with the legions of horny gamers. Arthur is known for incidentally winding up in boxers, and Athena isn’t allowed within 50 ft. Notice a trend? Athena was only in her underwear probably about as much as Sir Arthur, but for some strange reason, it’s Athena that carried that trait forward to modern consoles. Though if you want to claim that’s a different Athena who just happens to be wearing the same next-to-nothing, here’s Goddess Athena in NeoGeo Battle Coliseum: In case you’ve forgotten, here’s Athena on the NES:Īnd here’s Athena in the recent trailer for SNK Heroines: He’s a knight! He wears heavy armor! Pretty obvious iconography all around.Īnd, similar to Arthur, we have an 8-bit heroine that is known for being a goddess of war, but also getting stripped to nothing when armor isn’t available. Which makes sense! Only undies Arthur is of course referenced in a few intros and random special moves, but he’s not defined by it.
Ha ha! And, for anyone curious, here’s how Arthur looks in his most recent appearance during Marvel vs. Look at Sir Arthur, running around in his boxers. Speaking of which, there is at least one male that has been leaving it all out there since his debut, and it’s this funny fellow: We haven’t seen the underwear of a single character from the original Smash Bros… Donkey Kong and Pikachu care not for such things. Ness is glued to those shorts, and Captain Falcon would lose some acceleration if he lost his speed suit. Star Fox may have metal legs, but he certainly isn’t taking off his pants. We just saw Link’s underwear, but that was just one Link, and he wasn’t even left-handed, so he clearly doesn’t speak for his entire line. It’s a recent revelation that we found Mario has nipples, so I’m guessing that boxers or briefs won’t be answered for a good long while. After years of playing Mario games, I still have no idea what our mustachioed hero has on under those overalls. It’s early!Īnd Mario is in much the same boat. Look, it’s not my fault if I get dressed in the dark. Boxers! I know that much, but color or design has completely escaped my memory, should I have ever noticed such a thing in the first place. And, while I’m thinking about myself in my undies, I want to note that I have no idea what underwear I’m wearing right now. I see myself in my underwear every damn day, whether I want to see such a thing or not, and it’s no big deal. And you’re not even thinking about it, are you? It’s just a thing, and you probably put more daily effort into your hair, teeth, and maybe armpit hair than you do your underwear choice. Underwear is a basic part of getting dressed, right? Most of you reading this are wearing underwear right now. So without further ado, let’s start with our first topic of the week: As a reminder of our “rules” from last year, we are not here to judge anyone that might have purchased a game entirely based on half naked cooking, we’re here to look at the finer points of games that are clearly marketed with an eye on fleecing horny boys (inevitably boys) of their hard earned videogame dollars. Just like last year, Wankery Week is an examination of sex in videogames… or what passes for sex in videogames. Wankery Week is back! I always wanted to see an even ten WW entries, so we’re going to have our usual M-W-F updates this week, but instead of ROB choosing the games of the day, we’ll be deliberately looking at three “thirsty” games that were released in 2017. Barring some terrible graphics, we’re sorta aiming for PG-13 screenshots here, but, given everyone has a different threshold, anything potentially offensive will be behind the “Read More” links du jour. Due to the subject matter of this entire week, some items may be NSFW.
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